"Why Women Still Can't Have It All" : by jean

it's all the buzz!
ann-marie slaughter writes in the atlantic magazine's july/august issue talks about "why women still can't have it all."

it's a GREAT (long) article, but totally worth the long read.  here's some more buzz if you are interested:

• washington post: in the atlantic's cover story on why women still can't have it all, a quieter but more powerful takeaway
• boston: 'why women still can't have it all'-do you think this is true?
• nytimes: elite women put a new spin on work-life debate
• nytimes: talking about why women can't have it all
• forbes: women can't have it all, but maybe no one can
• huffingtonpost: why women shouldn't want to have it all
• huffingtonpost: why one woman reached the top, then left
• villagevoice: 'why women still can't have it all:' whats wrong with sticking a baby in a briefcase?

it's a loaded topic and seems to be the perfect post after amy's super-working-mom status (how coincidental!)

i got laid off around when miles was 2 months old.  i was getting nervous to go back to my day-to-day with miles in the equation but once i got the call, i was devastated.  i felt lost, hopeless, etc.  it didn't help that my hormones were still out of whack too!  i'm always the first to say my job doesn't define me but it does define a large part of who i am.  but for now, i have no choice but to be a SAHM, (stay-at-home-mom).

thank goodness for my mom who was staying with us at the time.  she constantly reminded me that maybe it's for the best.  i'll never get this time with miles again, and i know i'll find a job eventually.  her encouragement helped me truly be grateful for the extra time i was going to have by staying home.

i think highly of moms who choose to put a hold or leave their careers to be a SAHM, but i don't think that's me.  even if we could live off of one income, and as much as i don't want to miss any moments with miles, a part of me misses being back at work.  is it OK that i feel this way?  does it make me a worse mother that i don't want to be a SAHM?  (according to forbes.com, SAHMs should earn $115,000!! read about that here.)

in the end, i want it all.  i want the job that allows me to continue to be successful in my career, but i also want to be a great mom for miles.  i also want to go to yoga at least twice a week, have time to cook dinner, and do something creative for myself.  how can i have it all?  

i'm starting to realize more and more that you have to be able to sacrifice SOMETHING.  that "something" is different for everyone.  it's the career for some.  it's yoga for others ;).  for me, and for my life right now, i'm willing to sacrifice taking on the perfect job if it doesn't allow me to be home at a decent time to be with miles.  would i have still thought this if i hadn't gotten laid off?  probably not.  would i have thought this if i hadn't had miles?  definitely not (sorry, husband!).  i think everything happens for a reason.

and what about the dads?  (this may have to be a whole other post later on!)  do men think about all of this too once they have a baby?  or are we the only ones having all kinds of questions and thoughts in our heads?

slaughter writes:
Here I step onto treacherous ground, mined with stereotypes. From years of conversations and observations, however, I’ve come to believe that men and women respond quite differently when problems at home force them to recognize that their absence is hurting a child, or at least that their presence would likely help. I do not believe fathers love their children any less than mothers do, but men do seem more likely to choose their job at a cost to their family, while women seem more likely to  choose their family at a cost to their job. 

according to slaughter, it seems like we can't have it all because we are wired differently. we just can't help it.

what do you think?  can we be an umma AND an "etc." successfully?